Hell Bent
by FiercestCalm
Summary: A comtemplative fic from Carrot's point of view, after he discovered who lived inside of him. Spoilers, obviously. Set to "Hell Bent" by Kenna.


This fic is a songfic written to "Hellbent" by Kenna. It's from Carrot's point of view, right after he figured out that he was the God of Destruction. Enjoy. 

Disclaimer: Aren't mine, no money, etc…

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Hell Bent

__

Am I the key

of fiction and heartache

I sat staring out the window. I could feel it inside of me, this monster, this destroyer of worlds. It was clawing away at the inside of me, waiting to escape. Before now I'd always assumed that it was the beasts inside of me, released only by magic. But now… now I knew that it was something far worse. It was something far more dangerous, far more unpredictable.

and the pain

is of no consequence

The God of Destruction. I feel like I've known it far longer than I actually have. Every time I got really angry, I could feel him in me, laughing. Sometimes it took all my self control to keep myself from loosing my temper and becoming violent. I'm frightened sometimes of how close I've come to hurting those closest to me, especially my brother. I'd never forgive myself if I were to hurt him.

__

when I am Hell bent

my walls are

closing in

I cringed as I thought about what was possible once I had become that beast. That was the most helpless I had ever felt, trapped inside of it. And at that moment, Marron's face coming towards me was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

__

Controlling me, controlling me,

is loosing me, your loosing,

control of me, control of me,

your loosing

Trapped inside him, I felt like a small child again. I was crying, too. It was one of the few times my brother had seen me cry. I don't regret it, because I know he doesn't think of me as a weaker person because of it. He is the only one who won't judge me, and I'm eternally grateful to him for that.

Am I awake

the morning star

that brings me here

"Brother?"

The subject of my thoughts is standing at the threshold of my door, looking worried. I smiled slightly at him.

"Yeah, Marron?"

"Tira and Chocolat are going out. They wanted to know if you wanted to go with them."

I thought about it for a moment. I really wasn't in the mood for Chocolat's antics, or Tira's mallet for that matter.

"Not tonight." I said, turning back towards the window. I could see Marron reflected in it, and watched as he closed the door and walked towards me.

__

since everything in me

between pluto and god

all is hell bent

"Brother…"  
The concern in his voice made me angry. He shouldn't have to worry about me. He had enough to worry about already, and besides, I was older anyway. I was supposed to be the strong one.

__

my walls are closing in

I feel the claim

"I'm fine, Marron. Just leave me alone, okay?" I didn't mean for my voice to have the hostility it held, but all the better. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts for a while. I felt him sit beside me and turned around, ready to tell him to leave. I stopped when I saw him. He looked young and open. That look made something hurt inside me.

"Brother, please…" he said, a slight pleading tone in his voice. This ignited the anger inside me again. It wasn't anger towards him, it was towards myself if anything, but I knew no other way to release it.

__

controlling me, controlling me,

is loosing me, your loosing,

control of me, control of me,

your loosing, your loosing

control of me, control of me,

your loosing me then 

controlling me, controlling me,

"Didn't I tell you to get out!?" I screamed at him. Even through my anger I cringed at the look of pain and shock that briefly crossed his face. "Get out!" I yelled as he continued to sit beside me.

"Brother…" he started.

"Out!" I screamed, jumping up and pointing at the door. He stared at me for a moment before slowly getting up and leaving, the door closing with a soft click behind him.

naked, broken my world closing

and I can't find myself

or my way out hey

I collapsed back down beside the window. It was rare that I ever yelled at my brother, and I couldn't remember a time when he'd yelled at me. A dry sob escaped my throat and I buried it into the fabric of the bed. I wanted to go home. As childish as it sounded, I wanted to be in a familiar environment, with familiar people. I wanted to not know what god was inside me, even if it wouldn't change anything. I wanted Marron and me to get along, and be comfortable with each other. I wanted to take a knife and hack away at myself until I found where that beast was hiding. I wanted to kill it, to make it feel pain for the things it was doing to me.

__

controlling me

controlling me

controlling me

your loosing me

I got up. I had to apologize to my brother. Though he didn't seem like the type, he would take things to heart, and carry them with him wherever he went. As I walked out the door, I found him sitting on the couch, reading a book. On closer inspection, he wasn't reading at all, just staring blankly at page after page.

"Marron…" I started.

"I'm sorry. I should've listened to you." he said in a dead kind of voice, staring down at his book. 

"Mar-Marron…" My voice betrayed me by catching. My brother looked up at me in surprise. I sat down beside him.

"Forgive me, Marron," I whispered. "I'm sorry. You're the last person I'd want to-" I stopped and turned away from him. I was ashamed at the tears welling up in my eyes, ashamed of how emotional I had become. I felt his arm on my shoulder, but didn't turn.

__

hell bent

my walls are

closing in

Slowly both of his arms came up around my shoulders and he leaned his forehead on my back.

"I forgive you, brother." he said quietly. 

These simple gestures, although overly emotional for Marron, undid me. I quickly turned towards him and pressed my face against his shoulder. Tears slipped from my eyes and wet his robes. I was trembling. He tightened his hold a bit and a sob shook my shoulders. I was terrified of what was to come. I had no idea what the future held, and it frightened me. 

"It'll be okay, brother." Marron said soothingly, and I knew he didn't just say it to comfort me. He said it because he truly believed that everything would be. And if Marron believed it, I knew it was safe for me to believe too. So I did.

"I have become death, the destroyer of worlds."

-The creator of the atomic bomb

Hey, just wanted to say, I wasn't going for shonen-ai or incest or anything in that last bit, just a nice little hunk of brother love. See ya!


End file.
